Wedding Without

All the bells and whistles are present.
Swarovski crystals. Check.
Hand-stitched embrodiery. Check.
Something imported. Check.
Something borrowed. Check.
Something blue. Check.
Hair-stylist and nail tech. Check.
Mooching cousins. Check.
Alcohol for the mooching cousins. Check.

We dream of the perfect wedding our whole lives. We envision the perfect swatches, bridesmaids dresses,  venue, and most importantly, the dress. We watch the shows anxiously, hoping to be as exacting as David Tuterra without being "that bitch" from Bridezillas. We read romantic novellas about the butterflies our groom will have the moment they see us at the end of the aisle.

Upon meeting a newly engaged couple, I ask how he proposed. The room fell silent all at once and I knew that I had just invited the elephant into the room. He didn't propose, the ring is rented.
They would marry quickly, in her grandparents' backyard and retreat to their bedroom for their second honeymoon---the baby's due in December.

The grandmother of a friend told me the story of her and her husband's love. She was with another man, soon to be married, and her current husband stole her away. It was a real Nicholas Sparks, hopeless romantic type of story. However, upon meeting this gentleman I came to the conclusion that he was nothing short of the typical couch potato and he was a bit naggy about the way his veggies were prepared. He was a retired military man and obviously her personal savior. She treated him like a King, and he paid the bills.

I was watching TV. A lady married for 23 years is calling it quits after she realized that her husband had been cheating on her with a cousin for 26 years. Understanding that this is TV, I made a mental note that this woman was probably just stupid for 26 years and avoided all the signals---until I saw him for myself. The man was not especially sexy, nor did he look like a sex-pot-pervert. He seemed like a yes-man---and probably was. For her cousin.

Initially I thought that these women only fell into marriages because they were blinded by situations. An unexpected pregnancy  A man's wealth in a failing economy. Acceptance. But in actuality, they had all dreamed up a life for themselves and were so desperate to make their dreams a reality, they sacrificed their delicate time for a man that "might" make it happen.

Maybe the best weddings occur when no groom is present. The consolidation of woman, and herself. The self-acceptance of female flaws and personal imperfections. The moment we meet ourselves halfway by joining the strength gained from mistakes, and the wisdom learned from experience. The best day of our lives isn't planned while watching a sappy love story. It happens slowly and mysteriously.  It happens when you vow to love you.